Where is our emergency number?

The Goodluck Jonathan government has stayed long enough to roll out a uniform, nationally known emergency number that people can call to provide hints to security operatives about potential security risks or report a crime.

I’ve said this on my Facebook wall many times before. Where the police and other security operatives achieve wonders, it is not juju they are using. They are tapping into the power of information. It is a collaboration of the public with the forces. The public in these countries are able to effortlessly provide information to the police by dialling a short-code that is known even by kids.

 If you hear a strange shooting or you sight a band of suspicious-looking people in your neighbourhood, you can easily call the number and a police man on patrol nearby is despatched to check things out. It may turn out to be nothing, or it may be serious. Where is our own short code for emergency? Where is the communication equipment for the police? How are the forces sharing information? Is there a central system for warehousing information on terrorism that is accessible online to the operatives of all the forces deployed to fight terrorism? These are issues that the govt should focus on. It is not enough to threaten to fish out terrorists. What are we doing to make that possible aside from barricading the streets?

Galaxy S4 hits Nigerian stores tomorrow

Samsung Galaxy S4 on display at the press briefing in Lagos on Tuesday

 

 

Samsung Electronics has announced that it will be providing its customers in Nigeria and other pan-African countries with a 24-month “Accidental Damage from Handling” (ADH) warranty to cover screen and liquid damages to its new, flagship Galaxy S4 smartphone, at no extra charge.

 

A world first from the level of an original equipment manufacturer, the warranty includes two free repairs in the event of accidental damage to the screen of the device.

 

The Galaxy S4 will be on sale at Samsung stores and accredited dealers across Nigeria from Friday, May 3, 2013, ahead of its formal launch in Lagos on May 10. The company is currently partnering major telecommunication operators and service providers in the country via a pre-order service, in a drive to encourage consumers to be one of the first to own the sought after smartphone.

 

Speaking at a press briefing to announce the coming launch, Director, Hand Held Products, Samsung Electronics West Africa, Mr. Emmanouil Revmatas described the introduction of the warranty as a standard for the Galaxy S4, as part of Samsung’s commitment to providing its customers with innovative and impeccable after-sales services.

 

“At Samsung, we understand the unique needs of our customers and this is another value-added service we are introducing to provide them with comprehensive service assistance in the event of accidental handling damage to their devices. We are very excited to be the first mobile device manufacturer to come out with this level of service,” he said.

 

He added that Samsung Electronics will continue to provide value and long-term, sustainable support and service to its customers.

 

The ADH warranty will be incorporated into the existing 24-month standard factory warranty on the Galaxy S4. Customers can register their devices through Samsung’s e-Warranty service from their phones within the first 30 days of purchase. In the event of damage, registered customers will be able to take their device to an authorized Samsung Service Centre for repairs. The Service Centre will replace the screen or board free of charge. According to Samsung, this warranty will cover only screen and liquid damages. Customers will be limited to two incidents requiring repairs within a 24-month period.

 

Countries where Samsung’s ADH is currently available include Nigeria, South Africa, Namibia, Zambia, Kenya, Mauritius, Ghana, Uganda, Senegal, Cote d’Ivoire, Sudan, Angola, Tanzania, Botswana, Ethiopia and Mozambique.

                                                  

Driving licence and the fight against corruption

Osita Chidoka, Corps Marshal, FRSC

It’s over a year this month since I applied to renew my driving licence at FRSC, Ojodu.

As usual when I got there earlier this month, I was given another extension of my temporary driving permit. I was asked to go home and wait for a summon to come for image capture.  It was probably the fifth extension, and I’m sure, there are many more to go before I get that licence.

The subtle message is clear to me:  Bribe an official and and cut out all this endless stress of taking time off work, driving all the way to FRSC Ojodu, wasting more precious time looking for where to park your car, wasting even more time sitting in a crowded canopy and enduring indignities from uncouth civil servants, and having to go back empty-handed at the end of it all.  I’m just intentionally ignoring the message. I don’t know for how long I will be able to ignore the message, though.

There is some form of order in the process these days, compared to what used to be. There is a clear procedure now. Nobody bothers to explain it to you, but in my experience, it moves along smoothly enough, until after all the tests and it remains image capture, the final hurdle.

The officials haven’t changed much though. The elderly, irreverent and uncouth civil servant types are still aplenty, such as the dreaded sharp-tongued woman in Room 5. She is something of an insult goddess, worshipped by her own colleagues and feared by applicants. She treats applicants with the contempt usually reserved for kitchen pests.

Those who want to avoid these indignities would prefer to induce an official to fast-track the process.

If Nigeria is serious about cutting official corruption, it is not hard to figure out what needs to be done.  Look into the processes and make them work. Fish out those who deliberately prevent the processes from working in order to extort the public.

If an application is made, there should be a maximum number of days that application should stay on any official’s table before it is moved along. One year for a licence renewal is unacceptable!

The idea of death penalty for corrupt public official in my humble opinion is silly. How much seriousness have we applied to implementing existing law? If you have not effectively utilized what is existing, how can you complain it is ineffective? Is it when you cannot muster the courage and necessary sincerity to commit a thieving governor to jail that you will now find the courage to kill him? I get pissed off with this tendency for Nigerians to grand-stand and romance highfallutin ideas, when we lack the basic honesty to implement simple, practical measures to achieve the desired results.

Get a leader that is sincere to wipe out corruption in this country today and without changing a thing in our laws will cut official corruption by more than half overnight.

It is not rocket science. Neither is it brain surgery. Nobody wants to go to jail. But people will steal public money when they know they can pull a few strings to avoid going to jail. There only needs to be a leader with a strong determination and the COURAGE to stop that and there will be a positive change.

IGP’s tinted glass order is new avenue for extortion

IGP, MD Abubakar

The IGP stopped his men from mounting random road blocks across the country when he assumed duties, and voila, the incidents of police shooting bus conductors and passengers over N20 bribe nose-dived. He received accolades for the move. Now he is undoing the achievement he made in that regard with his latest order to his men to impound vehicles with any type of tinted windows.

Just drove past the men in black arguing with a gentleman in a sparkling Honda Accord 2008 model at Opebi Link road intersection. The argument was intense in the scorching sun. I could only imagine that it had to be about the car’s lightly tinted back windows.  Abi, that’s the only reason policemen can randomly stop motorists on a busy road now.

When the man was done blowing grammar, he would either let his car be impounded or call his accusers aside and ‘resolve’ the matter amicably, because like it or not, those policemen are on a legal duty, backed by the order of the IGP.

The IGP has simply given a new meal ticket to his boys. In the confines of his cosy office, he may threaten fire and brimstones against his men who extort motorists, but that is his own reality. The reality in the scorching sun outside is that only saints would turn down an irresistible settlement terms offered by an affluent gentleman in a posh Honda Accord. And I think we are all agreed the men of the Nigeria police force are no saints.  

Actor Jim Iyke gets own reality show

Jim Iyke. Credit: JimIykesWorld

 

Nollywood bad boy has got his own reality show tagged: Jim Iyke: Unscripted.

 

From Thursday, April 18, you can catch a glimpse of Iyke’s personal and professional life on  AfricaMagic Entertainment on DSTV.

 

You will see the famous actor as he promotes his latest movies while delving into the competitive world of men’s fashion and follow him as he manages the demand that comes with his huge popularity, busy schedule and outspoken personality.

 

Filmed in Lagos, Abuja, Accra, Houston, Dubai, Nairobi, Amsterdam and London, a new episode of Jim Iyke: Unscripted will be screened every Thursday (5:30/8:00 PM)  for 13 weeks.

 

Iyke said, “its no holds barred, unscripted and untamed”. Meanwhile series producers iFactory Live, Greyology Inc. and OH Africa described Jim Iyke: Unscripted as very real, giving fans a free pass into Jim’s life.

 

Executive producer Michael Djaba said, “Yes his image has sometimes been described as ‘Bad Boy’ but beneath it all, he’s as real as any celebrity can get and fans are in for one roller coaster ride”.

 

Meanwhile M-Net Africa Managing Director Biola Alabi is confident that like the man himself, the show will be a must-watch.

 

“Jim Iyke attracts attention on a daily basis and we’re definitely pleased that we’re in a position to screen his exciting new reality series. He’s such a talented individual who is not afraid to take risks, to speak his mind, to blaze his own future. His charisma, talent and energy are undeniable and his fans want to see more of him! So make sure you tune in weekly to see what drives his success, what determines his reactions and what defines his choices.”

Bill Gates offers N15.8 million for ‘magic' condom

Condom

Bill Gates has offered $100,000 (about N15.8m) for anyone to come up with “next generation condom that significantly preserves or enhances pleasure, in order to improve uptake and regular use.”

Last year, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation (BMGF) selected a reinvention of the toilet that functions as a solar-powered wastewater treatment system. Now, Gates is challenging inventors to use improvements in materials science to develop a condom that feels good.

The idea is that, as reliable and easy-to-use as condoms are, men supposedly experience more pleasure having bareback sex than they do using a condom. The challenge asks:

Is it possible to develop a product without this stigma, or better, one that is felt to enhance pleasure? If so, would such a product lead to substantial benefits for global health, both in terms of reducing the incidence of unplanned pregnancies and in prevention of infection with HIV or other STIs?

The challenge states that condoms have been in use for around 400 years, and have not improved in the past 50 years. However, the scientific advances made in the past 50 years, the initiative reads, have not been applied to this important area:

Material science and our understanding of neurobiology has undergone revolutionary transformation in the last decade yet that knowledge has not been applied to improve the product attributes of one of the most ubiquitous and potentially underutilized products on earth.

A better feeling condom could go a long way to convincing some men that they might as well roll one on before sex, if only for their own safety.

Nigerian behind Kim Kardashian’s fake tweet unmasked

Kim Kardashian

Many so called citizen journalists who helped spread the fake Kim Kardashian's tweet will be ashamed to learn that a mischievous young man orchestrated it all.

I’m not about to make him more popular than he is because, apparently, that is his only goal. So, I won’t publish his Twitter handle. I might send it to you via email if you ask.

A few Nigerians have traced the original tweet to him and his Twitter timeline is full of invectives from angry Nigerians who had initially fallen for the hoax.

It is also clear he is not repentant, as his TL is full of tweets savouring the global success of his latest hoax and boasts about what he will do when he gets his ‘black belt in Photoshop’. 

There are also loads of congratulatory tweets from pals, a few of whom are apparently awed by the global success of the hoax.

Seriously, we should be afraid. From getting global acclaim for advance fee frauds, Nigeria is moving to a stage where our youths are getting  sheer kicks out of deception and getting global recognition for faking celebrity twitter handles.

We are growing a young and vibrant column of 419 junkies, people who receive immense gratification akin to orgasm from successfully deceiving or fooling others. To them it is all harmless fun, but really it's far more; only if they knew.

Nigerians need to learn to interrogate their news sources. And to all the gullible bloggers, Twitter and Facebook journalists out there, learn to conduct basic investigations before rushing to your laptop, tablet or mobile devices.

Since the first 419ner got his mugu or maga decades ago, the world has ceased to exist in pure black and white. Develop a critical mind. Ask questions and accept nothing unless you have tried to ascertain its veracity.

God help us.

 

Some of his tweets:

ITS WORLDWIDE. MAMA I MADE IT!!

 

Lmaooooo RT @TheBlackHer***t: LMAOO RT @Tidij*: Lmao omg please. Gullible is not even the adjective to describe you guys anymore.

 

I hear it has gotten to BBM lol. I love you guys

 

 

Once I get my black belt at photoshop you niggas won't be able to tell what's real and what's not

 

One of his awed pals tweeted:

@*huckic**** bad-fucking-ass. My twitter idol!

 

Another tweeted:

gracias “@Sas**_Ij: RT @*anmust***: Man you a legend. RESPECT @*huckic****

 

 

Choirmaster with a fantastic organ!



Hannah Okurabe after the assault. Image: Punch

I once had a funny colleague who was a choirmaster in a prominent church in a famous town in Ogun State. Highly dexterous on the church organ, major church services could not start without him being present.

Like most choirmasters are known to be, this colleague was very popular with the ladies. In his mischievous moments, he would often exclaim that women could not resist his fantastic organ.

I remembered this colleague when I read the story of three ladies who viciously fought and wounded each other over a choirmaster, one Joseph Unuigbe, who incidentally, is married.

Temitope Abigeal and Temitope Remi were on Tuesday arraigned before a Chief Magistrate’s Court in Ebute Meta on a three count charge of conspiracy, assault and causing grievous harm.

Abigeal (26) and Remi (28), both choristers at a Cherubim and Seraphim church at Progressive Road, Ebute Meta, were said to have assaulted Hannah Okurabe (18) with razor blades at Abule Nla junction, a few metres away from the church.

A father of two, Unuigbe is married to Folashade, who is also a member of the same church.

But the fact that the lover boy is married did not seem to matter to the duo of Abigeal and Remi who on March 17 allegedly accosted Okurabe and cut her on her cheek, eyelid, left ear and back of her neck.

Although the Magistrate, Mrs. M. O. Tanimola, admitted the suspects to bail in the sum of N200, 000 each in like sum the two women are currently cooling their heels at the Kirikiri Minimum Prison because they could not immediately perfect the terms of their bail.

They are to produce two responsible sureties who are gainfully employed and with evidence of tax payments to the state government in the last three years. The sureties are also required to be relatives of the defendants and their addresses are to be verified.

Just how fantastic is this choirmaster’s organ to warrant all this trouble?

 

World's youngest richest man

Moskovitz

How does it feel to have a billion dollar in your bank account? Here's the world's youngest billionaire, according to Fortune Magazine.

He is only 28 years old. But he has a total net worth of over $3.8 billion. His name is Moskovitz, Mark Zuckerberg's former roommate. He co-founded Facebook, the social networking giant, but no longer works there.

In spite of his formidable fortunes, Moskovitz leads a simple life. He bikes to work, flies commercial airlines and pitches his own tent at Burning Man, the annual arts community gathering in Nevada, US.

Robot Househelp comes to life

Dominik Brumm of the Artificial Lab of the University of Zuerich checks humanoid robot ROBOY during a media presentation in Zurich February 27, 2013. A project team, composed of scholars and industry representatives, has been working on ROBOY since June 2012. The team combines the latest discoveries from university research with the invaluable expertise of the industry sector to come up with the most state-of-the-art robotics technology.

Credit: Yahoo!

 

Related: Roboy, robot househelp to be 'born' in March 2013